How to know if you’re pulling spiritual shenanigans

Are you guilty of blaming the Universe for something that’s totally your fault?

I’ve noticed a very disturbing trend happening lately with people who define themselves as enlightened or spiritual. The person who instead of taking responsibility for their actions, uses new age jargon to manipulate the situation to their benefit to get themselves out of almost anything, to play the victim, to get what they want, to hurt others, or to excuse their bad behaviors. It’s spiritual shenanigans! I’ve been seeing it more and more and I’ve done it myself many times.

Are you a spiritual hooligan? Here’s some prime examples to find out:

  • You stroll up without a care in the world to meet your friend two hours later than you said you would meet them. Justifying that you’ve done nothing wrong because you were surrendering to the flow and running on the divine timing of the Universe, you believe that tardiness and not sending them a text or calling wasn’t your fault. You expect your friend to accept this explanation as a valid reason, so you tell them chill out and trust that the Universe wouldn’t let you get hurt when they express how they were freaking out thinking you were dead in a ditch.
  • Your boyfriend suspects that you’ve been cheating on himwith your ex. Being the intuitive person your man is, he eventually wears you down and pries the truth out of you. You explain how banging your ex was the most loving act for all involved because now all three of you can truly move on. Now that everyone has closure, there’s more room to love your man. You assure him that you did it for him and that he should feel honored by your great sacrifice.
  • You’re acting like a jerk to everyone in your life. Claiming it’s just who you are because of the astrological sign you were born under, you don’t try to better yourself or act kind toward anyone.
  • Feeling really pissed off that an opportunity you were pining over went to someone else, you curse the Universe for never being on your side. Meanwhile, you haven’t been working very hard and the other person has. Instead of feeling happy for the other person who’s worked really hard and have it light a flame under your lazy ass to take action yourself, you choose to spend your time on your couch complaining that you have no luck, nothing every happens for you, and you’re never in the right place at the right time. F you Universe!!
  • You’re in a monogamous relationship and you’re lover is somewhere else and there’s this dude/dudette and he/she’s hot and you’re standing under the moonlight and everything comes together and he/she moves in to kiss you and you got swept away in the moment because the force was so strong you couldn’t do anything about it.  Convinced that the stars aligned for this to happen and the Universe made you do it, you decide that it’s not cheating so you don’t tell your trusting lover at home. Your lover eventually finds out and you tell them that you were a victim of the forces of nature.
  • You find money on ground at a friend’s house and keep it because you manifested it instead of asking everyone at the party if they lost it.
  • Going out for a night on the town without your wallet, you flirt with people you have no intention of having any sort of relationship with other than to get them to buy you drinks, dinner and cab rides. When you get home, you high five yourself for manifesting a free night out.
  • Feeling like the person you’re with should unconditionally love you even when you’re at your worst, you show them your worst more often than not and get mad when they don’t like it. You tell them that they aren’t very accepting and loving and that they need to work on that.
  • You send a really mean passive aggressive email and sign it love and light because you think that cancels out everything else you typed. Not understanding why the receiver is upset about your message, you wonder what’s wrong with them. I mean you did sign it love and light. Why can’t they accept your love and light? There must be something blocking them from receiving your love and light.
  • Spending hours creating the perfect vision board, you sit on your ass and wait for the Universe to bring you all of the things, and then the Universe doesn’t bring you all the things, and you blame the Universe.
  • You spill whiskey all over your computer when you were drunk Facebooking at 3am on a Tuesday night and you blame Mercury for being in retrograde.
  • You try to get into the pants of someone you know who’s in a committed relationship, but they’re not interested in your advances. “How could they not want this?” you wonder. Your next more is to try to make them feel bad about themselves so you can get your way. You tell them that it’s because they’re not enlightened, free spirited enough, open to the magical possibilities, or living in the moment.
  • Your friend isn’t into yoga, they eat meat, they eat gluten, they eat dairy, they eat cooked food, they eat food at all and they don’t meditate on the reg. Judging them by their non-enlightened behaviors, you talk down to them because you think you’re better than them because of how spiritual you are because you pretend that you do all of those things.

If you’re guilty of spiritual shenanigans, it’s probably because you’re a human being and you’re not perfect. We’ve all committed these crimes, but we don’t have to be incarcerated forever. Here’s your get out of jail free card. Apologize to anyone you’ve wronged in the past with your behavior and then from this moment on, all you have to do is be radically kind to everyone and everything including yourself. Stop being an asshole. There. Now I’m your life coach. <3

Are you or anyone you know a spiritual hooligan? Did this post bring up anything for you? What was your favorite part? Do you have other examples of spiritual shenanigans? Tell me about it. Leave a comment below.

The magic in me sees the magic in you,

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